Life Continues to Happen
Last week I came home through an empty airport. The few scattered about seemed jovial, scared, unconcerned, nervous. Empty train cars took me to empty transports. My Lyft driver, arriving in 5 minutes, said that downtown Denver was empty; his night was extremely slow.
After a wonderful week of writing, recording interviews, and working on our next book- ‘New Earth Healing‘, due out in early April, I was ready to come home. Also nervous. I had asked my partner to move his things out while I was gone. I was mostly able to keep my vibration high and neutralize fear while on vacation, but what would it be like to meet empty shelves broadcasting the loss and death in my own home? The loss of my income due to my practice being shut down?
I am now getting the opportunity to practice the very things we have been writing about in our next book; New Earth Healing- (It’s an inside job):
- Go into the feelings and see what’s there
- What am I not wanting to feel?
- What is the fear under this that I have an opportunity to learn from and clear?
I sit looking at the empty shelves in my home and allow the grief to come up fully, collapsing in a heap to cry for as long as my body wants to release, knowing this is loving myself. That this too belongs. That this is healing and as valuable to my experience as the space it creates to fill with new opportunities and focuses.
I call my mom. My step-dad of 27yrs is getting weaker, more confused in quarantined isolation in his medical care unit. Cut off from his life-giving visitors and her, dying alone and scared. I talk to a client. Her sister is dying suddenly from kidney failure, her body gone septic, and she can’t be with her. No one can.
5 different friends have pets that have died or are dying in the last week. A quick search online shows me there are far more deaths happening due to other causes than the Coronavirus. Like thousands more every day, which is the normal numbers. As my client shared through her tears, “Life continues to happen.”
As I go into my feelings- sadness, grief, letting go, anger, I am aware that this too is an opening, an opportunity. But for what? I go into the fear stories. Survival, the Unknown, oh, these are familiar! I follow the storylines to the end, where I am homeless, destitute, starving and alone. And then I look at the facts;
I have a lovely little home, I have plenty of food, tp, and necessities. If a bill doesn’t get paid oh well, I’ll get a late fee. It’s happened before. I have loving supportive people around me and can have as many conversations as I wish to in a day. I am not alone unless I choose to be. Which I have chosen purposefully more and more these last few years in order to do my own inner work. And I am loving it. All this time to go inward, read, meditate, write, hike, sing, dance at home, play, create a rich inner life where I get to know all the higher and hidden aspects of me.
I bring the truth of what is real to me right now into my body and awareness, holding it there with all the other sensations. Then I sit in the questions:
- Can I surrender to what is happening and look to how it is serving my growth? Humanity’s growth? Can I let it all belong without getting stuck in the fear stories? Can I focus on the higher purpose here?
- Can I honor another soul’s choice to leave this life right now, by opening to the grief that matches the love I experienced with them?
- Can I let go of how things have been, in order to open to the possibilities of what next can be?
For me, for you, for our planet, for the Collective of Humanity, for all of our ancestors on earth and in the stars who are helping us still:
I Surrender, I Grieve, I Love, I Open.
Will you join me?